Beauties and the Beasts

February 20, 2007

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Here we have a beautifil day at Oriental Bay. The temperature is into the 20’s. On the beach is strew an incredible collection of young women most laying in skimmy bikinis sun baking. On the footpath are a row of seats usually occupied by men young and old.

Here’s my suggestion as to rules for the beach.

Men:
1. Wear dark glasses so no one can see who you are staring at.
2. Pretend to talk on your cellphone and smile alot so people don’t think you are mentally undressing the woman lying directly below you.
3. Remove you work clothing and put on shorts and a short sleeved shirt and the sunnies in case you look like you are in your lunch break.
4. Don’t sit with your hands between your legs because it’s too obvious what you are trying to supress.
5. Wipe tears from your eyes subtly because you know you will never ‘tap’ the type of woman lying on the beach again, at your age.

Women:
1. Wear the skimmest bikini you can find and as you lie there continually smooth it down, tug in the edges revealing as much skin as you can, never mind the damage the sun is doing to your skin.
2. Occasionally pull your cellphone from your bag, check it and throw it back in, just in case someone is watching. You know if you adjust the text notification volume the phone will let you know when you have a message.
3. Stop looking at other women on the beach wishing you had their features. You drop-dead gorgous now.
4. When you sit or stand up don’t suddenly hold a shirt over your bare stomach because everyone has already seen a good deal of your body lying down and it’s too late to be shy now.
5. If you go swimming remember that those expensive white bikinis usually become see-through when they get wet so you will return to your spot on the beach showing off moe than you thought.

and pleaseeeeeee

6. Go up to the men on the seawall and throw yourself at them so they can worship you as they think fit.

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